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S1-028 The Pup That Didn't Bark
The Pup That Didn't Bark is the twenty-eight episode of Season One of Queens of Adventure. The queens continue their Glamazon training, this time focusing on Skills. Synopsis Eleven days remain until the Kracken reaches Fire Island. Arson, Butylene, and Fraya, to further an alliance with the reclusive Glamazons, have journeyed to the city of Glamalala for training. Last night they snuck out to an illegal bar, and stumbled home to get very little rest. As they awaken and prepare for a second day of training, out of their windows they can see people starting preparations for some sort of festival. They emerge into it in their training uniforms as they head into the Glamadrone, where they are met by Remolaude, their trainer. Remolaude shows them gliders and help them try out various maneuvers with a thermal vent. Butylene and Fraya do beautifully, however Arson and their new friend Irene have a bumpier time, even crashing in the air. The trainer gathers the queens once on the ground and declares that today they are going to be practicing skills. They explain that each of the trainees was given a sheet explaining what their various skills are. The group will be placed in a historical scenario and are expected to fulfill the scenario using every skill at least once. Points will be awarded for each skill they use, and using every skill will trigger rewards. With a swipe of the tablet, Remoulade makes a whiteboard appear that lists all the skills. Once the trainees are ready, the water churns beneath them as mist arises through the holes in the floor. In the mist, a plush and gorgeous parlor appears around them, where three figures sit. One is a nervous, curly mustached nobleman. The other two are young women, one is wearing a shimmering locket and the other one is holding a white Pomeranian in her lap. This second woman, Edith Wunderbred, looks at the queens and explains Lord Dorian is here at House Wunderbred with a request. She and her sister believe these four novice queens can help him. The sister, Brioche Wunderbred, asks him to explain his predicament. Lord Dorian says his pup has been stolen, he believes by cultists. The pup has golden hair and a charm covered collar. The queens ask about the cult. He says mysterious figures have been showing up at pup shows. Fraya's religious background doesn't help her. Irene asks where they may have taken the pup and Dorian suspects a manor out in the country. Dorian shows them a bracelet that he says has similar charms to the pup's collar. Arson uses her arcana ''skills to recognize that the charms are from the Elbowdeep Kennel Club and provide protection. Irene asks Brioche about her own dog. She says he is Skimpton, or Skippy for short, and they are never apart. Dorian says his pup, Kyle, gets along with Skippy, so Irene suggests Skippy might be able to track Kyle with scent. Her ''animal handling skills don't measure up. Butylene's insight tells her Dorian is truly upset, and she reassures him and flatters him. Edith tells the novices they will infiltrate the cult's manor, posing as performers and seek out a contact, and locate Kyle. They must not draw attention to themselves. No magic and no fighting allowed. Brioche tells them the pass phrase when they find their contact. They will say "sickening weather these days", and they should respond, "at least we're not in the shade." Irene comments on the locket. Brioche says it is one of the treasures of House Wunderbred, made especially for them. With her knowledge of history, Irene recognizes the locket as an ancient treasure from the Age of Queens that can channel divinity. As the queens depart, Lady Edith reassures Dorian and tells the queens she expects great things for them. The scene changes around them to a ballroom with men and women all around wearing fine couture. Many figures wear hooded robes with red pawprints. The queens finish performing (with Fraya changing her outfit in the mist, poorly due to the bad performance) ''and notice some of the people in the crowd. Arson tries to ''perceive their contact, but fails. As they leave the stage, a noble in a sash questions them. Fraya deceives him into thinking they are servants. He throws them shade and turns away. Fraya walks to the bar to wipe it down and Butylene grabs some drinks to try and deliver to people, deceiving ''the bartender and guests. Irene snaps her fingers and pulls out a cracker, and with her ''animal handling, communicates with a parrot one of the guests has. It whistles and says "Wunderbred" drawing the attention of its owner. He thinks someone from that 'dratted house' is here. Irene tries to leave, but hooded figures walk up to her. Butylene launches a quick performance to drop a beer stein and rush to the bar to ask for another, but doesn't draw attention. Irene throws her voice, and her performance distracts the hooded figure. As she slips away, she bumps into a man with a monocle who gives the code word and asks her out to the balcony. Irene signals the others. Out on the balcony, he asks them if Edith and Brioche sent them. Only Butylene's history remembers their names. The contact says Kyle is being held in a kennel out on the grounds, but it is guarded. Fortunately he has procured groundskeeper disguises, and hid them in the bathroom. They leave him and head to the bathroom, one by one. Through the mist they can see the whiteboard, reminding them what skills they haven't used yet. Fraya fails to investigate for the clothes, and ends up naked and posing like a living statue when a guest steps out of a stall, with her performance actually successful. Butylene looks for loose tiles or anything hidden, and her investigation locates an alcove between tapestries. Inside she finds a parcel of clothing. Everyone does a quick change. Fraya looks through the window, and perceives an ivy covered trellis right next to the building there. It is a little rickety looking though. Arson takes a toilet paper cardboard tube to fashion a tiny megaphone shape using slight of hand. Butylene snags a towel. Irene looks outside, but can perceive nothing in the dark. Despite it, she jumps, before Arson can say she has dark vision. Irene lands'' acrobatically in a big pile of leaves down below. Fraya tries to climb down the trellis but it breaks. She lets go, landed slightly less ''acrobatically ''next to the leaves in compost. Arson merely spider-walks down the wall. Butylene tries to hold onto Arson ''athletically but she just slips and falls down the two stories onto a stone bench. Once recovered, they find a stone path through a nice, ritzy garden. Fraya slips into a maintenance shed and grabs a broom and a rake to try and blend in. Irene medicine checks Butylene and helps set a minor sprain. Arson uses her nature knowledge to find some berries that will help stain her clothing. Butylene recognizes them as glama berries, but finds when she eats one it dissolves into vapor. A voice calls out that simulation food cannot be eaten. Arson investigates and finds some flint and one of the charms. There are several of them leading north towards three kennels, but Arson's survival skills loses the trail of charms. Irene shouts "Kyle!" into the darkness, but with animal handling dogs bark in all three kennels. Butylene perceives no guards, but hears people approaching. As a guard approaches, they try to deceive them by doing yard work, but he is suspicious. Irene, flashing her scales and frills, and tries to intimidate him into leaving, with the support of the others behind her. He pulls out a whistle and Arson leaps out of a bush with her cardboard horn intimidating ''him into fainting. Using ''sleight of hand Fraya fails to steal his whistle (it flies off into a bush) while Butylene ties him up with the towel she stole, The kennels they find are wood buildings with stone roofs. Arson finds two of the kennels are unlocked. Fraya looks into one and perceives in one corner a young man with blonde hair and a collar, unconscious in a cage. She runs up to the door and nat20s her athletic ''attempt to open the door. The others rush in after as she asks the group for smelling salts. Irene ''medically shakes the boy awake. He asks for Dorian, and they explain they were sent by him to find him. As the scenario mists begin to thin, the group lights a small fire to pray religiously that they can ''survive ''(Irene also kisses the boy, not able to hold herself off). The dogs gather around the fire to pray as well. Arson sneezes, blowing away the simulation. Remolaude stands nearby, slow clapping. The trainer explains in the actual historical event, Kyle was sacrificed to the dark ones, so the group exceeded expectations. They also had success on every one of their skills, so the queens will gain a reward: Increases to various stats. Fraya increased all skills, Butylene gained expertise on her tools, Arson gained expertise in intimidation, and Irene gained proficiency in deception. As they finish up, the trainer explains today is one of the high festivals where they commemorate their founders. Everyone who is anyone will be there. Many Glamazons begin to enter the arena. The queens realize they are once more dressed in training clothes, not the illusions from the simulation, except Fraya who had changed outfits and is now naked. She does another Birth of Venus pose, and the Glamazons simply shrug. Outside, kids dress as monsters, adults as driders. Floats line up for a parade. Lanterns light up. The music carries over the water to the central island and the Obsidian Ziggurat. Atop it stands a loan Pomeranian who listens with interest. Characters Party * Arson Nicki - drider warlock * Butylene O'Kipple - tiefling alchemist * Fraya Love - water genasi cleric * Irene Dubois - lizardfolk barbarian NPCs * Remolaude * Lord Dorian (debut) (illusion) * Brioche Wunderbred (debut) (illusion) * Lady Edith Wunderbred (illusion) * Cult Members (illusion) (debut) * Man with Sash (debut) (illusion) * Pirate and Parrot (debut) (illusion) * Man with Monocle (debut) (illusion) * Kennel Club Guard (debut) (illusion) * Kyle the Pup (debut) (illusion) * Pomeranian Episode Notes Lore * Brioche Wunderbred owned a locket, specially made for House Wunderbred, that channeled divinity. A thousand years later, this item would be well known by the Glamazons. * During the Age of Queens, a cult kidnapped pups and sacrificed them to old ones. In at least one instance, the Great Houses were unable to stop the sacrifice. Inspiration Earned * Irene - for intimidating a guard with her lizard features - given by Fraya * Arson - for leaping over a bush to scare a guard - from Irene Memorable Quotes * "I can point to Irene's scales, but I don't know where my skills are." - Fraya Love * "I wish literacy were one of my skills." - Irene Dubois * "How many cliffs are you going to jump off of this time?" - Arson Nicki * "Is flattery a skill?" - Butylene O'Kipple * "We are witty, intelligent, self-aware, beautiful women. We can do this." - Arson Nicki * "I can use the toilet water to do something, right?" - Fraya Love * "Can I look around and see if there are any gardening tools? A hoe, a rake?" - "I'm right here." - Fraya Love and Irene Dubois References * Coachella * Akashia - Drag Race season 1 * Gryfindor * 80's movie fashion montage * 70's Wonder Woman spin transformation * Free Willy * Clifford the Big Red Dog * Boomerang - app Behind the Queens *Fraya Love provides the "Previously On..." introduction. *As of this episode the show has passed 100 reviews on the apple podcast app. Matt thanks several of them. *Listener Sinister named Remoulade. Category:Episodes Category:Season One